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The Day I (nearly) Burned The Flat Down

I've always had a weird relationship with pizza. I'll cook many without incident, then at random something will go wrong. The whole thing will sauce-plant the floor, throwing boiling cheese over one hand. Or I'll burn one until it's carbon then the replacement one will say "Hi!" to the carpet. That kind of thing.

The fucker I'm eating now nearly burned down the flat.

I pre-heated the oven, put in the pizza, then settled down to read my flist[0]. Anyone guess my mistake yet? No? I proceeded to read for about five minutes when I noticed the amount of smoke in the room. Far more than normal, even for one of Satan's Demon-Breads[1]. Indeed, the room was fair fogged with smoke. So I went for a look-see, and saw that the baking trays in the bottom of the oven (There it is! Hallmark of my cretinity!) still had a fair amount of fat in them from whenever they were last used.

Liquid fat. That was on fire.

Errr...

Fuck.

I did the only thing that came to mind, and panicked. In doing so, I at least remembered to turn off the oven, throw open the window on the other side of the fucking living room[2], turn on the pissant little extractor by the oven, and then (with oven gloves over nose and mouth so I could breathe) run like buggery for the door. After a panicked phone call to gominokouhai[3] I slammed the front door open, quickly followed by the front and back doors to my block. And explained myself to the succession of little old ladies who stuck their heads into the stair because they could smell burning.

Half an hour later, smoke had stopped pouring out of the flat. The pizza was still in the oven, sitting there all fucking smug. Cooked to bloody perfection, it was. I did the only thing I could think of in the situation, and ate it.

Well, wouldn't you? I wasn't going to let the bastard thing away with anything at that point.

[0]: Honestly. I was not distracted because of looking at porn or anything. If I were, I'd have a better excuse.
[1]: WBAENFARB
[2]: Damn basement flats
[3]: It's true. Panicking makes you forget to do the obvious things that aren't staring you in the face.

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( 9 informants — We want information! )
joexnz
Apr. 18th, 2006 09:38 pm (UTC)
home base fire extingusher now
well ASAP, i'll get you one lunch time tomorrow.
i was going to point out that flour works, but then realised the chances of you having any
joexnz
Apr. 18th, 2006 09:42 pm (UTC)
or salt, the flammable properties of flour were under discussion
spudtater
Apr. 20th, 2006 06:08 pm (UTC)
Flour can explode in some situations:
http://home.howstuffworks.com/question150.htm
razorsmile
Apr. 18th, 2006 09:56 pm (UTC)
Of course you had to eat the little bastard. It completely deserved it.
figg
Apr. 19th, 2006 12:43 am (UTC)
You're an idiot. :)
Paul: The n+1 th emergency service.
galaxy_girl00
Apr. 19th, 2006 08:34 am (UTC)
for future reference I believe you are meant to put a cold damp (but not soaking) tea towel over it. Blocking out the O2 so the fire can't burn.

Glad everything turned out ok though!
joexnz
Apr. 19th, 2006 12:01 pm (UTC)
off to purchase fire extingushiers, one for thee and one for me (whose quite capable of leaving elements on)
spudtater
Apr. 20th, 2006 06:19 pm (UTC)
Make sure that they're not water extinguishers, if you're going to be using them in the kitchen. Water + burning fat = bad.

Actually, water extinguishers are probably best avoided altogether; they're a bad idea in electrical fires, too. Foam or CO2 are both good.

Fire blankets are also very convenient for chip pan fires.

(Yeah, you almost certainly knew all that already, but the Fire Safety Officer™ in me demands that I mention it anyway.)
joexnz
Apr. 20th, 2006 06:23 pm (UTC)
this was indeed pointed out at home base, fire blanket will be left by stews door tomorrow lunch time. They had extinguishers for electircal fires, i'm guessing they weren't water. There was a kit with blanket , extinguisher and alarm, which i shall be purchasing for myself
( 9 informants — We want information! )

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