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Little Roger Fights A Bear

I think of this one with me, stood on a stage against a black background. Cig, and a glass of water. Microphone in hand. Comedy club type thing.

Little Roger Fights A Bear
by Stewart Wilson

So there's this kid, Roger. Barely 10. And this big bear has killed his sister. Roger's dad isn't around any more, so he does what any kid in the situation would do. He sets out to rescue her.

Only problem is, this ain't a fairytale. Roger's dead in seconds. Who'da thought?

Now, most people would look at this and say: "What a nasty, evil bear! It killed a kid. Let's kill it and take it's skin for a rug!"

Most people are idiots.

See, this isn't a fairytale. Things are never so black and white. Let's take the townsfolk for starters. The bear killed two children. It did so out of a form of self-defence. The townspeople are thus going to go, outnumber the bear, out-gun it, and kill it. Once it is dead they are not going to leave it's body for nature to do as it intended with, they are going to flay it. It may still be alive while this happens. They will then desecrate it's corpse and put the parts to what they consider good use.

Way to go, guys.

The bear wasn't evil. It can't be. It's a creature, it doesn't have the higher reasoning necessary for people to make choices like "good" and "evil". It took Little Roger's sister because of Little Roger's dad, and it killed Little Roger because it saw him — white legitimately, as the bastard had taken his dad's .44 — as a threat. It killed him because it didn't know any better, it couldn't see that the gun wasn't loaded and the safety was on. It's a fucking bear, what do they know about firearms.

Why was Little Roger looking for his sister, anyway? Because she'd gone missing shortly after the same thing happened to his dad. He was never a bright kid, he just wanted Sis back to make the world all right. And to stop the kids down the road punching him. He was a kid who was held behind a few times in school, so all he knew of bears was that they showed up in fairy tales like Goldilocks, and people always outsmarted them. He took his dad's gun because that's what he had seen his dad do.

Little Roger's sister wouldn't have been taken by the bear if she hadn't snuck into the woods for a quick shag up against a tree with Darren, her latest bloke. She didn't normally drop her knickers the second time she met someone, but he had a Corsa and a mate who could score her some E. That was golden. Unfortunately, he didn't fancy herself, not against a bear. He legged it, leaving her at her most vulnerable for the bear to kill.

Where was Little Roger's dad during all of this? Dying, upside down on the floor of a pub toilet four towns over of acute liver failure. An alcoholic, he'd been promised good booze money if he could kill the bear. Of course, his aim was well off and he only managed to kill one of the bear's young. He took it's corpse, cut off the ears with a Bowie knife and tried to pretend that he had got the real thing. His patron, who was a shady figure well respected in China, retrieved the young bear's corpse to sell as medical supplies. Little Roger's dad was paid handsomely and went to a bar he hadn't been thrown out of to spend his haul. Three hours later he collapsed while having a piss.

So, there you go. I don't think I really had a point or a moral to this, except maybe this: Fairy-tales are a bit shit, really. They're just someone else's idea of what should be put into a child's head, and it isn't worth it.



( 4 informants — We want information! )
May. 17th, 2004 09:12 pm (UTC)
I rather dig your version of happy endings. They're not happy because everyone walks away with a smile, because the guy gets the girl, or because the day is saved and the bad guy is vanquished.

They're happy endings because they reflect that life is what it is.

This week I played Embryodead by :Wumpscut: on Corruption's Manifesto. I'm a bit surprised that none of the peace-and-flower hippy peaceniks called in to complain that the chorus focuses on the title of the song...Embryodead. I expected a slew of people complaining about abortion, pro and con, or seeking to censor me for playing something that sounds so controversial. The truth is that the song has nothing to do with abortion...if anyone bothered to listen to the lyrics beyond that one term in the chorus, it is about the world that we bring our children into. A world where there's pain, suffering, hurt and thousands of things that are all part of human nature. Good? Evil? It doesn't matter. It simply "is."

I wanted someone to call in so that I could convince them to look at what is and then do something to change it. No takers. I guess the local hippies tune me out. ;-)
May. 17th, 2004 11:54 pm (UTC)
One, you really look like a guy in the role-playing group of mine and its very bizzare.

Two, I loved this. It was sheer brilliance!
May. 18th, 2004 01:53 pm (UTC)
Woohoo, my title got used.

That was an interesting read. Not being a pessemistic person in general, it's weird that I get such a kick out of the "Goldilocks was a prostitute, the bears were Commies, get real kid"-type stories.

Keep up the writing, it's too much fun.
May. 24th, 2004 08:26 am (UTC)
that was great, had the feel of the comedy club routine. i was still waiting for the punchline, but knew that it wouldn't come cause that is also whats it about.... life is not a joke or a fairytale. i didn't quite get the feeling that it was pessimistic as such just blunt.... i liked it.
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