Digital Raven (digitalraven) wrote,
Digital Raven

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And again

My back's healed fully. This is a good thing. Though it means I get no extenuating circumstances on my exams. Arse. The AI exam especially is going to be painful. Why were we lumbered with boring shitheads for most of the theory? At least we had Dr X for the predicate and fuzzy logic, or I'd be guaranteed to fail. The Chaos exam should be better. It's only mathematics, and I can do that in my sleep.

Other random shite: It's above freezing, so I can have my window open again. For someone that went 18 years with never having the window in his room fully closed, this is a good thing. I always feel better when I'm somewhere with a bit of airflow and sound from the outside, even if it's just on vent. It's good to hear the world again, even if it's just wind right now. I wish I had a reason to go out today, but I have food and I don't want to spend any money in Too Fat after getting Manifesto. I don't have the money to spare.

I'm not worried about this exam tomorrow, at all. This is perhaps the most worrying part about it. It's an exam I know next to nothing about, and yet I don't care, and I need to pass as my assignment fair sucked. I have the notes on my computer. I'll study this evening and tomorrow morning. Yeah, right. But I'll at least try.

The Nataku and the Altron both need very little more doing to them before they will count as being fully painted. This is a good thing. I'm especially proud of the Nataku, which was my first large-scale painting project.

I really shouldn't have clicked on the "Last n Entries" of a friend's LJ and found an entry from a time when I wish I had at least known about it, so I could have answered it.. makes me remember America even more, which is bad. Because I want to be there now, damnit. Just for once is a chance to do something without having to wait a minimum of half a fucking year too much to ask? I'm sick of waiting. Just for once, a bit of instant gratification would be nice.

I quit smoking when my back fucked up. Whoop de doo. I'm now free of normal cigarettes. Until I get bored and pissed off with the world again and go back to 20 a day. That may well be closer than anyone thinks. That's the odd thing. Everyone talks about giving up smoking like it's something that's hard to do. It's not. It's just something. Get past the two days as your body gets rid of all the crap in your system and that's it for me. The amount I smoke is linked to how annoyed I am with the world and how much I can smoke. Without my system already being loaded, I have no reason to smoke right now.

I dunno why but I want to find someone and do something unspeakably violent to them. Not because it'd solve anything, or any of that. I want to beat the living shit out of someone for all the could-have-beens, all of the possibilities that never were but that come back and haunt you when there's nothing on TV and things are getting too much. I want to punch someone to get rid of this longing for what could have been.

stormys pointed me to this at some ungoddessly hour this morning, and I love it.


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