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Flashback

Running on empty. Can barely keep what's happening in my head distinct from what's happening out of it. I also seem to be missing the spacebar with worrying regularity.

Flashbacks to Germany earlier for no good reason. Not one of the landmark moments, just walking down a street of student shops near the big library. I can't remember the name of any of it, and that makes it feel more like a dream than a reality. Also, I remember... fuck, do I remember. Bits I know I haven't remembered beforehand. Walking the long way from the Street of Bookshops in my earlier flashbacks to the massive bookshop in the Karlsplatz just after the sun had gone down some time in... April? May? 2002. Wandering the darkened streets past funky geometric office blocks just after the sun had gone down and those little student bookshops had closed, nobody but myself on the streets, coming up on Karlsplatz from a side none of us had ever been near before. I didn't even know if I was going the right way, in the end. I just followed signs for the nearest u-bahn and there it was. The gleaming arches of Europe's biggest McShithole. I had to use my English card and remember the pin for the first time in eight months, I remember. Two books, on perl-CGI and PHP database apps. Stuff I needed for work and would use for reference now if I had any fucking motivation. I just checked, I didn't use the receipt as a bookmark. No way to tell when I actually bought them. If it weren't for the fatigue gnawing at my brain I may never have remembered any of that.

I need to go back to Germany for at least a week. I really fucking do.

In other news, being an arsehole today. Standard clash with parents became a recursive "What if they knew I'd react like this?" network of conspiracies designed to keep me from doing anything all night as I worked my way through them. Food was bad-microwaved meat and pasta simply because I can't wait while gone fucking seven for that brother of mine just to eat on the best of days,

Now I settle down. ISIHAC. maybe some chocolate. No more coffee, no more thinking hard.

I wonder what my brain will bring tomorrow.

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