August 13th, 2004



And I wish on everything I believe in that I weren't. 14 months is too long to wait for just two damn weeks.

Manchester airport this morning. Fucking Manchester airport. Last time I was there was the beginning of June last year. Same reason this time. Same reaction. How we managed to not break down into a major scene in that place I will never know. And after she walked through the doors to the security check, I couldn't help looking after her. Half hoping that she would come running back, that it wasn't true, half wishing I could run through there and meet her on the plane.

Instead, I had to turn around and walk away.

These last two weeks have been perfect. But now all that's left is to pick up the pieces. Check the e-mails that have been piling up. Try to concentrate on job-hunting. Try to prepare for going back to work on Monday when all I want to do now is go to bed and not wake up unless Kris is there.

Two weeks is not long enough. It'll never be long enough until there's a time we can go without having to wait so fucking long. Until airports don't mean I leave feeling like someone's cut all the meaning out of my life. Until then, I'll always be impatient for the next time.

For ravenscanary

Since you're going to be at something involving people and lots of questions and such after a long 'plane trip, and since I'm reasonably sure you aren't going to have chance to get away and get either online or to bed any time soon:

Good luck surviving it, darling. I know how such things can go and how much it can be needed. If any of them piss you off, let me know. For I shall hex them until they glow and kick them in the nuts when it's dark.

In other, more general, news I had to deflate the air mattress that we used here. I didn't want to, but parents insisted. Needed to wash things and so on, and reclaim some of the floorspace up here. Which means no chance for me to sleep on it again. In some ways that's good, as it means I don't stay in a total funk for over a week (like I did last year). However, it's also bad because I don't get to stay in a total funk, and I rather feel I deserve to do so. I also may hurt myself reaching out to cuddle up to a wall in the middle of the night.

Can't stop wondering why I didn't run after her at the airport.