Digital Raven (digitalraven) wrote,
Digital Raven

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Get me away from this fucking weekend

So get this: I have Fridays off, so I have a three day weekend. This weekend I was supposed to head home, get some work done in time to demonstrate it on Monday, and then go to my grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary party. Then back to Uni on Monday just in time for the AAI lecture at 10am.

What the fuck was I thinking?

On Friday night, my grandparents' actual anniversary, my grandfather suffered a mild heart attack. Thankfully, it didn't kill him. An ambulance was called and he's going to be in the hospital for a couple of weeks. But that rather stymied Friday. Saturday I was up early, passing messages back and forth between people and trying to keep my grandmother feeling all right. I got maybe an hour of online time, but by then the excessive amounts of caffeine I'd been popping to keep me alive and functioning on the night had worn off, leading to me feeling colder than a nudist at the North Pole. Why had I been popping Pro Plus? Because I got three hours sleep on Thursday night, and a like amount on Wednesday. I was going to sleep it off on Friday, or maybe Saturday. Fat fucking chance. Sunday I'm crammed into my suit, then into a coach where everyone around me is talking about the Goddess-damned snooker[1] and how much I look like my dad.

As an aside, the next old relative to ask my dad, whilst looking at me, "Is he your eldest?" is going to be cremated, and I mean royally. "Yes, I am his, I am the eldest, not only do I talk but I can perform all kinds of amusing tricks which would leave you amazed. Of course, if you had paid attention during the twenty two years I have been in this family, living in the same town as you, maybe you would realise this fact you senile old fart."

Monday morning was a joke. Awake at 6:30, on the road for 7. What is normally, at the outside, a 3 hour journey ended up taking over four hours. Getting back I find the power is out and the electricians are in, and they remain in with the electricity off until gone four in the afternoon. Not only that, but I have people reminding me of meetings I should be in even though I couldn't give a fuck. Right now I've only had eight hours sleep, meaning I woke up too fucking early. I want a weekend to catch up to the one I missed, but I'm not going to get that until next weekend. I want to hurt someone.

Random aside #1: I need to buy breakfast curries.

Random aside #2: For some reason this weekend has left me with an enhanced libido. I mean a totally raging need for sex. This is not as good a thing as it would seem, seeing as how I'm totally loyal to my girl. I have ordered a bucket of liquid nitrogen, a photograph of the Queen Mother and a ball-peen hammer. That'll enforce some fucking celibacy and ensure that some blood gets back to my brain. Grr.

Random aside #3: Television before midday over here, even with digital TV's range of channels, does nothing but suck donkey cock.

Random aside #4: Burning burgers on the grill makes me smell like barbecue.

Random aside #5: I am sexier than Jesus and smarter than Turing. Disagree with me and I shall use my supreme power to destroy you utterly you ungrateful wretches.

Random aside #6: Why the fuck did I wake up at 9am and not go back to sleep?

Random Aside #7: I will be eternally grateful to anyone that can provide me details of any retailer that can get Master Grade Gundam models to the UK without fucking insane shipping charges. I am perfectly serious on this, as I have Googled far and wide and found nothing. This makes me angry.

[1] Snooker ties with golf for the most boring televised sport. I'd rather watch the fucking test card than that shite.

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