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I've spent the day packing. No more clothes in my wardrobe, no more books on the shelves. Papers and research notes are all boxed up, as is just about everything else. There's just the big things to do tomorrow, and then I'll be gone.

Yeah, this is another big secret being revealed. I'm moving to Edinburgh on Saturday. Hence leaving the job.

I was, at this point, going to do another random walk through my head. But frankly, I've not done enough here to warrant it. I've sat and written and moped and gone to work and come back... and that's it, just about. Teaching at Endeavour, the incident back in May, the scumfucker stealing my bike, these things I've already worked through. There's nowhere to go for those last hits of memories. Maybe daedalus668's old flat, where Sundays changed from nothingness to interesting conceptualising. Maybe Spiders, the one good night out in town (though for the past year even that's been pushing it). But I said my goodbyes to the people who will miss me here on Saturday or Tuesday. There's precious little left to work through.

It's moving on again. Taking the next step in life. But wandering the nearby streets... I'll miss this place. I'll miss the style of houses and the quiet suburbia of it. I'll miss the solitude and the time spent with family, even the arguments.

I dunno. Everything's all boiling up at once. I'm moving from a time that hasn't left much of a mark on me (at least, so far as I can tell) to another time, another place. My brain feels scrambled, at once embracing the change and in another minute wanting to run and hide and wake up in the morning and have it be six months ago.

Things are changing, and it's all going very quickly. Maybe too quickly. Certainly too quickly for me to be sure of much


( 9 informants — We want information! )
Feb. 25th, 2005 02:40 am (UTC)
When things change, it's important to have a touchstone to help keep you centered.

We're here for you if you need us.
Feb. 25th, 2005 10:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks, man. It's appreciated.
Feb. 25th, 2005 11:06 am (UTC)
I'm not there for you if you need me.

But in 1 year+, I will be, as our Edinburgh plans are well underway.
Feb. 25th, 2005 07:21 pm (UTC)
That's right. Y'all are headed up there too.

I'm thinking more and more that the potential for parental disown-ment is worth the opportunity to join the trek to Edinburgh.

Feb. 25th, 2005 10:58 pm (UTC)
Shit. That means you can kick my arse for deadlines in person.

Not that this is a bad thing.
Feb. 25th, 2005 12:22 pm (UTC)
I have a love/hate relationship with that feeling that comes with packing up and moving. I hate the nervousness, the sense that overwhelming changes are about to wash over me and flood me with things I can't handle. I'm a creature that thrives in stability and moving takes away the most essential part of what I need to be stable: a comfortable home base.

But at the same time there's also this feeling of promise and potential that moving brings. It's excitement and possibility, the idea that if I can pry myself out of one shell and make a mad dash across the beach to another bigger and better shell...well, sometimes you need change no matter how much a creature od stability you may be.

Stay sane on your trip, luv. Keep us updated.
Feb. 25th, 2005 10:59 pm (UTC)
Thanks. I'll do my best.
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 25th, 2005 10:57 pm (UTC)
*hugs in* Thanks, hon. I'm glad you do. It's good to have people who understand.
Feb. 26th, 2005 12:56 am (UTC)
Good luck Stew, i'm really gonna miss you online. :( Really.
( 9 informants — We want information! )



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