Digital Raven (digitalraven) wrote,
Digital Raven

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Right now, sheer, mindless stubbornness and a wish not to waste four years of my life -- especially not the crap I went through in Germany -- is keeping me going and away from another breakdown. That and knowing that I have good friends I can call on if I need to. Thank, Paul and Chris. I'm at 12,000 words, that's over halfway now. By Tuesday I should have everything done. I'm not taxing myself, and am making sure to work during the day and relax one I've got the 6K done.

That and Stoli are keeping me going. As I say, once I finish this, I will write. I hate a full quarter hour today when I honestly wondered what would have happened if anything had sparked up between me and Becky. What if things had gone another way and I'd ended up with Nicky, staying in Germany... this is the kind of hollow feeling I can write about. I know that the situation I'm in right now is the best possible one that I could be in. But even so, I can;t help having those nights when I pine for the way things were, the way things could have been. Expect to see a lot of free fiction on here or on my site when this is over with. As Warren Ellis says, "Write what you know" and I know short, sharp moments that tug at the bottom of the heart and strange mad ideas that shouldn;t make any sense but work all the same.

I need to write, creatively rather than this logical crap. There's only so much of that I can take.

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