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Last Night at the Inn

Well, this does it. This is my last night in Stafford. Odds are I'll only be back in this part of the country for my graduation ceremony. Unless I get a job around here, of course. Then again, that's not too likely.

I do know I'm not going to be able to live at home for long. Too much stuff I need access to. Fuck, I have two bookcases here which are overflowing. Asking me to go back to living in the box room back home with all my damn stuff in a box is just stupid. I need a job and somewhere to live, and soon. Bah. Bah, I say.

This isn't, of course, the main thought running through my head. That's more the chaos and madness that's been seen in my four years as a professional student, and how that's all over now. The nights staying up past dawn to watch the sunrise with a cigarette back in Alexandra Road. Racing back to the halls at three in the morning, pushing Scotty in a shopping trolley because he was too drunk to sit in a taxi, watching Steve jump the fence near Uni as if he were Superman, and his hung over call the next day when he woke up with a bloody leg. Standing out in the summer thunderstorms and the winter blizzards in Munich with a cigarette, glad to be alive to experience that and wishing I was inside. Writing six thousand words a day for four and a half days to get my final year project done. Quitting smoking. Visiting Kris, and having Kris visit me. Spending a week without having 24 hours not stoned. Kebabs with extra chili sauce. Discovering Stolichnaya and the concept of the good rock night. Having cable Internet access for the first time. House barbecues. Mage and Werewolf games other people would kill to be in. Giant robots. Weirdness on a primal level. Running gunfights with BB guns in the house. Sleeping though lectures, sleeping in lectures and correcting the lecturer on the discrete logarithm problem. Random hours spent trying to get Myth more money, random hours spent running off-the-cuff games. Wandering the streets at four in the morning needing money for the electricity meter. Midnight philosophy. Good music on tap from the distributed MP3 collection. Meeting Aaron. Living with people I honestly consider to be good friends. Passing more than one Hogmanay with Paul. Living the life I love and being damn good at it.

And now, all that's left is to take down the posters, turn out the lights and lock the door on my way out. Going back to a small corner of a house without so much as a lock on the door, all independence stripped from me. And people think I should be happy to be moving. The next person to suggest that is going to be stabbed.

Fuck. It's sunrise in Baghdad. I should turn in. Make sure I'm rested for the move.


( 6 informants — We want information! )
Jun. 13th, 2003 08:40 pm (UTC)
i know the feeling. i couldn't leave my dorm room until the very last day i was allowed to be there. but don't worry, soon you will be on your home and hopefully all your dreams will come true.

and thanks for the reference. ^_~

Jun. 14th, 2003 01:55 pm (UTC)
Re: hey
>>don't worry, soon you will be on your home<<

You mean "away from", surely? Or did you miss the little bit about me hating having to come back home so damn often? I need a job and some place to live where my life isn't in cardboard boxes in the damn loft.
Jun. 14th, 2003 08:07 pm (UTC)
Re: hey
um, I was a little out of it when i posted a reply. that should say *own* rather than home. sorry.

as in, soon you'll be on your own and you will be in a place that is very comfortable for you.

Jun. 14th, 2003 04:45 am (UTC)
Yeah. The closer I get to July first, the more fuzzy feelings I get. I've got this terrible angst brewing, this deep sense of not-knowing uncertainty, that's coming in hard and fast relating to moving. Maybe it's because I still don't have a place nailed down. Maybe it's because I'm a creature of habit and this is /not/ routine.

I'll probably post more on my Journal this afternoon, seeing as it'll be the firsst time in a week where I might have a spare moment or two.
Jun. 14th, 2003 10:52 am (UTC)
*offers snugs and sympathy and... can't say much more.*
Jun. 15th, 2003 03:28 pm (UTC)
I remember when I finally left my college after 4 years. It's funny how I spent so much of that time bitching about things there, but when it came down to it, I was actually sad to go. So many places, people, and experiences would be gone for good.

In fact, I didn't even have anywhere to go after that. I knew I'd be starting my job soon, to be sure. That was just a city, though, without any sign of what was out there for me. I'd never been to that part of the country, after all. As for home, my parents were both in different states at that point, and my remaining family, who I dislike, had a little bit of my stuff, with any other storage at a friend's house. I spent a month or so visiting and getting an apartment by work, and that's it. Even though the people I was seeing were good friends who I hadn't seen much during school, it wasn't the same.

In fact, nothing filled that void from college, even after I was settled. Sure, I saw those friends a few times since, despite them being scattered across the country, but it still wasn't like they were a mile or so away. It took me nearly 3 years to fill that void, and while it's not the same now, it is comparable.

So, my advice is to stick it out as usual, and remember that there's something more out there. There's always something else out there, even if it involves a little slice of Hell at home.

( 6 informants — We want information! )



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