I have beer. Specifically, I have Orkney Dark Island, which is a truly glorious dark ale, crammed with bitter chocolate, figs, and toffee. Being that I'm now "civilised" (pah!), I've poured the contents into a glass to enjoy. Three times so far I've caught myself about to take a hearty swig from the bottle, with the nearly-untouched glass staring at me accusingly.