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THose of you that remember saying here that there was a reason for my not updating that week. Well, I can finally divulge that reason.

I had an interview on the 6th. Down in Ilford, in Essex. One of those places where I had to go down there the day beforehand in order to be there. Over that night spent stuck in a Travel Inn, I wrote up a rather nice LJ entry in my slightly hollow style that I have been told is so good. I was originally going to post it on the Thursday, but figured that doing so before I knew the results of the interview was just going to jinx the whole thing.

The letter came this morning. I needn't have bothered.

The only interview I have got so far, in almost two months of hunting for jobs. One interview. That's all I've had and all I'm likely to get. Fuck... just, fuck.

Self-esteem... what a ludicrously pathetic concept. Why on earth would I have that when I can have a good healthy sense of how useless I am?


( 2 informants — We want information! )
Aug. 21st, 2003 12:52 pm (UTC)
I so, so so much feel your pain
Aug. 21st, 2003 03:10 pm (UTC)
While I don't suppose that telling you how wrong you are will help your self-esteem very much, I feel obligated to do so anyways.

>>Why on earth would I have that when I can have a good healthy sense of how useless I am?<<

That, luv, is one of the harshest -- and possibly the most incorrect -- things that I've heard anyone say about themselves in a long, long time. The moment that you begin to think of yourself as useless is the moment that you become apathetic. How many times have you ranked on people for their apathy? You're better than that Stew. You may not have faith that you're better than that, but everybody else knows it. Well...maybe not your parents, but it's their job as parents to play the tough skeptics [more on that subject in my own journal, later tonight...].

And think about it: you haven't got a job yet, and it's not a lack of effort. If that's the criteria upon which the world judges success and usefulness, then I say say that we should nuke the fucking planet, right here, right now. Because that's not all that there is to life. I have a job. A job using my education and my skills, no less. It sucks big floppy donkey dick. I'd rather think that somewhere down the road fortune and persistance will pay off and that you'll get a good job, a job worthy of your skills and talents. In the meantime, don't let this little speedbump get you too down. It's one obstacle that can be handled just by keeping the whole road -- the bigger picture -- in perspective.

You know we all care, right?
( 2 informants — We want information! )



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