Digital Raven (digitalraven) wrote,
Digital Raven

Better Myths

I was burbling in the pub about Better Myths so thought it'd be worth putting somewhere public.
So there’s this dude Tiresias, right? I think I mentioned him when i was talking about the dude who fucked his mom. yeah so besides having an awesome name, Tiresias is this guy who was walking in the forest one day or maybe the mountains and he sees these two snakes doing it and so he just goes WHAT I DON’T WANNA SEE NO SNAKES DOIN IT UP ON THIS MOUNTAIN and just runs up and beats them to death with his trusty walking stick. Also he is blind but maybe not at this point in the story cause i guess he needed to see the snakes. Anyway, apparently Hera was really involved in seeing these snakes do it because then she gets REALLY pissed and says HEY MOTHERFUCKER SO YOU LIKE BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF SNAKES HUH WELL HOW ABOUT I MAKE YOU … into a woman for some reason. So bam, Tiresias becomes a woman for 7 years. He doesn’t treat it as a punishment basically at all and in fact he just shits right into Hera’s hands by becoming the best prostitute the world has ever seen. Lady Tiresias just pullin’ out all the fucking stops. So after 7 years of awesome loveless sex he i mean she is wandering through the mountains again and sees two snakes doing it. Now you can read different versions of the myth and some of them say that he left the snakes alone but i prefer the one that says that he just went fuck it and ran up and beat the snakes to death again. and then Hera kind of sighed and realized that she was not going to teach this motherfucker anything about anything and let him be a man again because really if you are going around beating the shit out of reptiles what are you other than the ultimate man? I think that’s when he goes blind, maybe just because he is too awesome to have eyes or maybe because he is also a prophet (oh did I not mention that part? Yeah he’s a motherfucking prophet too) and the light of the divine burns out his retinas or some shit. And then after that he shows up in a whole bunch of storied and he is always right about everything he says and no one ever fucks with him because he is psychic and also probably a sex god.
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